What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski?
Dude.
…huh?
Uh, I don’t know sir.
Is it being prepared to do the right thing, whatever the cost?  Isn’t that what makes a man?
Sure, that and a pair of testicles.

 

 

How do you define yourself?

Think about that for a moment.  Isolated from the rest of the world, ignoring outside pressures and demands, who are you really?

This may seem like a confusing and rather broad question at first.  You might have no idea how to answer initially, and that’s okay.  Just answer, preferably in writing, whatever comes to mind.  Who am I?  And then write down a few more answers, maybe refining and honing from previous answers you liked.  I got this exercise from Steve Pavlina on how to find your true purpose in life.

The thing is, deep down you know the true answer.  Write or say whatever you want, you know how authentic your answer is.  No one’s ever going to know how you answer that question, and no one can help you answer it.  I believe other people provide reflections on your character and give you chances to learn about yourself, but ultimately the answer to who you are comes completely from you.

Are you a man that knows what he wants from life and isn’t afraid to ask for it?  Are you willing to make the necessary sacrifices along the way to achieve your dreams?  How badly do you want it?  And most importantly, are you taking the appropriate actions necessary and consistently taking steps toward being the man you ultimately want to be?

A mistake I’ve been caught up in for almost my whole life is analysis paralysis due to informational overload.  I’m an incredibly quick learner, I tend to absorb information like a sponge, which seems like a pretty cool ability to have at first.  However, due to my love for learning and understanding new things I focused too much on the mental side of things and less on actually, you know… doing something.

That’s why I had my friend make the following sign for me to put right above my desk:

See, information is great only in that it allows you to take the next step, and the next step only, in your personal development journey.  When I first started learning pickup I got caught up so much in informational overload that whenever I went to apply any of the concepts I’d read about I’d be so up in my head thinking about what to say I was never truly present in a conversation.  And it just wouldn’t feel natural to me, and women can sense your uncomfortability in those situations.

Needless to say this is still a major sticking point for me; some nights I’m really present and ‘on’ and other nights I get overly analytical and lost up in my thick skull to where I can’t even hold a simple conversation comfortably.

And the more I reflected on that, the more I realized thoughts only matter if they then lead to action.  As a kid that was always socially awkward, never good at sports, I had always prized my intellect, my thoughts above everything.  I was the stereotypical nerdy kid that learned magic tricks in high school to have something cool over all the jocks and popular kids who would just stare dumbfounded.

I prized thought above all else and forgot to actually DO something, anything.

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”
-Wayne Gretsky

So instead of defining myself by my thoughts I’ve been deciding to define myself based on my actions.   I’ve always known so much about exercise physiology, nutrition, and the science of getting ripped yet I’ve never been below 8% bodyfat.  It’s time to pony up and do something.

I’ve been working pretty hard on this website since I launched it in June.  I learned how to do basic html and css, set up my webmaster account, and write and format web articles from scratch.  I’ve made decent progress, but decent doesn’t cut it anymore- time to do a mass social networking and SEO campaign to finally bring the numbers in to the site.  Time to quick fucking around and get some extra content on the site, like a motivational page, recipes, workout programs, or style gallery.

And remember, it isn’t just what you do that defines who you are- its what you DON’T do that matters.  Every single action you take is either one step closer to your goals, or one step away from them.  DO the actions that take your forward and DON’T do anything that takes you a step backward.

Again, deep down you know which directions your actions are taking you.  You’re also directly responsible for the outcome.  Sure, you can whine about how tough life is or how such and such circumstance threw you off.  You can also rationalize anything you want, our brains really are experts at backwards rationalizing any and everything a la cognitive dissonance.  But deep down you know, and you can’t escape that knowledge.

I don’t care how difficult it is, if you want it badly enough you’ll figure out how to get it done.  I simply wasn’t putting the hours into this site I needed to so  I recently started an experiment with polyphasic sleep just so I could work extra hours.  You can figure it out.

To make a cliche metaphor, its like climbing a really tall set of stairs.  At first its easy to make good progress, you’re fresh and still have the fire burning inside you.  But as you climb you start to realize how far it is to the top, and how your legs are getting tired.  Maybe they’re starting to cramp.  Most people give in to the pain and stop there, and they typically never continue their climb.  The fire’s out.

Fuck that.

If I stop, I’m dead.

“Life isn’t about going back, it’s about going forward.
Yes, there are times in our lives that we wish we could relive… but, if we’ve already lived them perfectly, why live them again? The adventure of life is there’s always something new, new challenges, new experiences.  A fun game is a game it gets harder as it goes, so it is with life.”
-Ms. Choksondik

 

 

 

 

 

So how do you define yourself?  Stop making excuses and start living the life you’ve always wanted.

Quit fucking around, and DO something.